Our concept of self as well as thoughts are dependent on others. If you try to understand me, I may try to speak and listen to you attentively. If you find fault with me, I start looking for your faults too.  If you have been nice to me at some point of time, I carry good memories and respond to you accordingly and vice a versa. Our thoughts and feelings keep changing according to a given situation. It’s like you carry my remote control and I carry yours. These interactions are fleeting but the feelings they evoke can make or mar our day. Contrast this with being in a continuous state of happiness irrespective of the external stimuli.

According to Co-Existential Philosophy, “A state of no conflict, synergy or a state of being in acceptance is happiness.” We all strive for continuous Happiness; we think and act to get it for ourselves. Seeking happiness is a legitimate pursuit but the problem arises when one person’s satisfaction comes at the cost of another person’s well-being. Co-Existential Philosophy resolves this dilemma through an eternal truth, “My well-being is included in the well-being of all.”

We want mutual happiness in all relationships but often struggle to achieve it. This is a challenge we haven’t managed to overcome as yet. Happiness Curriculum is an initiative to make us pause, understand and respond in the light of universal human values rather than reacting to the other in the heat of the moment. Thoughts may not be the same but inherent values are common to all mankind. We can find harmony within self, in our relationships, in society and with nature at large by being mindful of these shared values.

This Curriculum talks about Three kinds of Happiness.

The Happiness Triad

• Momentary Happiness is the short-lived pleasure we get from indulging our five senses. I may relish eating a piece of a chocolate cake. This pleasure ends when I chew upon its last morsel and swallow it. I may enjoy the taste for a few more seconds, but that’s how long this happiness lasts. The key element to recognise here is that I get momentary happiness through my body.

 

• Deeper Happiness can be achieved through mutually fulfilling relationships such as, family relations, friends, teachers-students and colleagues (professional relationships). It is based on mutually shared feelings of affection, care, love, gratitude, trust, respect, confidence etc., between people in immediate and even distant surroundings. In order to achieve a state of deeper happiness we must continuously examine our feelings and sustain them thorough experience, reflection and polite expression. When our feelings are regulated, our thoughts become focussed too. This brings peace and equanimity within, which translates into behaviour in the outside world. We become aware that other’s need for happiness is as important as our own.

 

The key element to recognise here is that I get this happiness through my mind. For example, if I am tired and get a comfortable bed or a chair, that begets me only momentary happiness. However, when I feel happy talking to my friend even though the seating arrangement may not be comfortable – this would be deeper happiness.

 

• Sustainable Happiness is reached when we are able to understand and live with universal human values. This ‘understanding’ begins in self, and ‘living’ happens in the family. Another thought from Co-Existential Philosophy is that ‘Family is the practicing ground for values.’ It is a natural desire to live in a family; in a way that I as well as all family members remain happy. But it is easier said than done and we often find ourselves in situations where we feel forced to adjust with family members, and they may also feel the same for us.

 

When one masters living with human values in the family, it is natural that one begins living with these values in the society and nature too. This goal setting, ability to live in harmony, and finding a cause leads to everlasting sustainable happiness. 

 

 

The 3 E’s of Happiness

• In the absence of a clear understanding of universal human values, Life isn’t a smooth highway or a red carpet; it’s more like a mountain trail that zigzags through the highs and the lows. We are rendered unhappy when we fail to solve problems, meet challenges or alter the adverse circumstances due to our incompetence or mismanagement. Sometimes it becomes very difficult to choose between various options only because we are not aware of our own thoughts and feelings. At other times, circumstances make us act contrary to what we wish to do. So, we keep oscillating anxiously between happiness and sadness, manifesting as delight and despair in extremes. Such incidents may at some point of time, trigger exploration within self. Questions such as, what is happening, why it is happening and what can be done to manage it arise in the mind. 

 

• The next step is paying attention to the thoughts and experience the feelings clearly. The emphasis is on understanding and inculcating human values such as care, affection, trust, respect, gratitude, etc.  We consciously strive to reflect these values in our behaviour towards fellow beings and they are mutually reciprocated and sustained over time. 

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• Finally, we hone the skill of expression, the ability to share our thoughts and feelings in a way that strengthens and sustains all relationships. If I have clarity of what universal human values are, I can explain these values, as well as my behaviour to my children and students, and other family members (if they want to understand). No one can express feelings verbally and overtly in every transaction. In a class, if 40 students feel enriched by their teacher, it is neither practical nor possible for each one of them to go and expresses their gratitude to the teacher immediately. Happiness curriculum develops not only the ability to express this feeling, but to live with it in each moment, with self as well as others. Gratitude then becomes an attitude, a way of life. When we understand and begin living in the light of universal values, seeking harmony and co-existence with others, we achieve the state of continuous, i.e., sustainable happiness.

 

The shift from looking happy to being happy is what the happiness curriculum aims at for the establishment of a just and humane society.

 

(With gratitude to #TeamHappiness for valuable inputs and guidance.)